State of the Heart…

State of the Heart…

On my birthday at about late afternoon, I was scrolling through my messages when I saw a message from someone I was so eager to hear from saying “…I think we should stop talking for a while so you can sort yourself out…”- maybe not those exact words but same meaning. Looking on my phone confused, with tears running down my face while simultaneously thinking “…wow on my birthday? Couldn’t this wait till tomorrow?” I replied. In classic Sugru style I typed back with “…okay” and something else I cannot remember because I deleted the chat history that very second.

This day was the beginning of a journey for me – one of unlearning habits I unknowingly had picked up, a healing process from a self-imposed broken heart, a journey of self-confidence and building my spirit and, healing from rejection. You see, this was not my boyfriend but someone I had wished would one day be (we all have that one person we make up stories about in our heads even if it’s celebrities– don’t make me feel weird). FYI Boris Kodjoe if you got a cute family member send him my way, anyhow I digress!

Okay, let me give you some background. We met at church one fateful afternoon in 2014 precisely August 3, not that I wrote it down – okay well yes I did. After an interesting conversation about visas and work and finding out we are from the same country with a mutual friend, we went back to our normal lives. After a series of events we connected on LinkedIn and kept in touch (i.e. occasional phone calls, whatsapp, email, LinkedIn) and at times met at church. A couple of weeks later I returned to school but we remained in touch. During this time, he seemed so genuine, showed elements of being God fearing, hard working, family focused, celibate-not many men practice this lately. Also, he always had a sensible answer to my many questions and if you know me well, you know I ask too many questions – and oh, did I mention he is very pleasing to the eye 😉 perfect candidate for my tall, dark and handsome category of friends ( don’t judge me !).

So what do you think happened to your girl? She was catching feelings!! FYI, this was not the first time I would catch feelings for someone and make up a relationship in my mind. Anyways, after a while hoping to stop catching feelings but longing to know if there were any floating ones from his side, I gathered the ‘courage’ to tell him how I felt (insert dramatic music here…eye popping emoji and smh emoji). What was the worst that would happen I said to myself trying to justify what I was about to do. Well, he may say he felt otherwise and completely sister zone me-the worst zone ever and then I can move on. What I did not realize was that, this was much easier in theory than in practice. So when this message came through, what do you think I did? To be continued…

Follow:

3 Comments

  1. Emmanuel
    16 May, 2018 / 00:16

    I enjoyed this article. It was very engaging and every reader would love to read to the end

    • Jessica
      18 July, 2020 / 12:29

      Thank you Emmanuel

  2. Mosopsy
    19 January, 2019 / 19:50

    errr – please! where is the end!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *